I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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