I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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