I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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