Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I could make wine with my vomit
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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