Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
