i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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