just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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