I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
