I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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