I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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