Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
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She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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