i think i have two assholes
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
