I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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