and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
