I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
