If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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