can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want to fling myself into the sun
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
