Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i've created a new STD.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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