so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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