fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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