there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
