nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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