nutella sex= disaster
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
