I just saw a hot homeless man
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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