Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
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I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize