mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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