You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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