im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize