Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
