You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
