I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
