Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
