why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
