Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
