i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
