Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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