I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
