I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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