this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
