you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
