The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
