A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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