The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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