In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
