You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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