I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
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I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
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Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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