Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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