i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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