im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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