I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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