Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize