i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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