Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
