just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
