Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
