I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
