So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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