I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
