there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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