apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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