He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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