I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
