i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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